The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
