Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
