In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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