I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
