Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
