i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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