Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
