Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
