So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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