can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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