Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
