just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
