You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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