If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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