You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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