I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
