My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
