I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
