i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
