Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
