i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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