I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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