I CAN MOONWALK!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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