The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
