I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
