I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And then he peed in my hair
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