OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
