So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
