Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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