Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
