You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
