She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
