I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
