today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
