I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
