he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
