is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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