Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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