I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
