i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
As shirtless as possible
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
