So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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