I want to have your abortion
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
