my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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