Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
