I seem to have left my pride at pride
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
