she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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