I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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