there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
