I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
