i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
