Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Someone signed my nipple.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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