theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
