im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So much rum. So many feels.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
