So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
