I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
