And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
