Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
