my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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