It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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