Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
