Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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