the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
