we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
