The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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