I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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