my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
