I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
