Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
