Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
