Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
