What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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