I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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