Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
