I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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