hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
