We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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