I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
