I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
