...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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