Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
