Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
