and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Actions speak louder than pants.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
