Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
