I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
