I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
