You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
